When He’s Stupid For No Good Reason: Tips for The Single Mama Dealing With Baby Father Drama
(Part 1) …The Fertilizer
By: Cassandra Mack

In every aspect of life there are winners and there are losers. Your children’s father is no different. Of course, there are wonderful fathers who adore their children, do right by them and strive to have harmonious relationships with their children’s mothers. But, boy if there aren’t some real special cases who put the capital T in Trifling. You know the type: low down, irresponsible, immature, no-child-support-paying, paternity-denying, havoc-wreaking, character-assassinating, stalking-you-just-for-the-thrill-of-it, disrespectful ex who continually behaves like a jerk yet accuses you of bringing on the drama. It’s enough to make even the savviest of single moms question their good common sense pondering what they ever saw in their child’s father in the first place. But there’s no use crying over spilt milk. Instead, choose to be the bigger person. Even more, know the kind of individual you are dealing with so you can come up with a plan to diffuse the drama while keeping your sanity in the process.

This article will be written in 4 parts offering single moms tips for dealing with four difficult types of baby fathers. This month we’ll be looking at *The Fertilizer.*

The Fertilizer is the poster child for what is commonly known in the hood as “The Baby Daddy.” He’s not hard to recognize. Any woman with an ounce of common sense will run like hell as soon as the Fertilizer looks her way. With his wide-tooth-grin and prowl-like-swagger, the Fertilizer’s mission in life is to master the art of macking so he can spread his seed around. Admittedly, he might be cute, even charming. But unless you’re ok with being with a man whose idols are Don Bishop Juan and Superfly, and who is paying child support to so many different, women that he could write, produce and star in the remake of Bey Bey’s kids, there are some things you just have to leave alone. The Fertilizer is one of them.

If by chance or happenstance you were not fortunate enough to escape the Fertilizer’s path and you have children by him along with the other five to seven women he’s impregnated. Fear not. There is still hope for you yet. When the late, rapper, Old Dirty Bastard joked on national television about being broke because all of his money went to his entourage of baby’s mamas, my sister and I shook our heads in shame. It was then that we realized that there was a whole cadre of men who were inept at keeping it under control and who trembled at the mere mention of the word condom. Asking a fertilizer to wear a condom is like asking Superman to inject himself with Kryptonite – like asking Batman to drive the Bat Mobile without Robin – like asking Hugh Hefner to act his age. For the Fertilizer the mere thought of putting on a condom conjures up images so terrifying that he still has flashbacks from his first encounter with a prophylactic.

The Fertilizer sees nothing wrong with indiscriminately fathering child after child. In his mind, you are all one big happy family. Who knows? He may even try to recruit you and the rest of the women he has children with for a pilot series entitled *Battle of The Baby’s Mamas*… *Coming Soon To A Hood Near You… * * *

Tell Tale Signs That Your Child’s Father Might Be A Fertilizer:

- The first time the two of you had sex and you asked him to wear a condom, he broke down and cried. Said it was against his religion. Offensive to his culture and would induce a severe allergic reaction. He even recounted the story of Adam and Eve to try to convince you that it wasn’t part of God’s original plan for anything to come between a man and his woman.

- He has enough children to open up a mini daycare center.

- He has four jobs to keep up with all his child support payments.

- He has no job because he cannot keep up with all his child support payments.

- In order to get all of his children and their mothers to the family reunion he needs his own tour bus and a road manager.

- He knows the labor and delivery room nurses on a first name basis.

How To Cope:

- Remember that you are not the first woman to deal with a Fertilizer, so don’t beat yourself up. You cannot control your ex’s behavior. You can only control your own. With that said, it is important that you explain the situation to your children as honestly and age-appropriately as you can. Let your child know that in some families there are children who have brothers and sisters that may not have the same mother and father.

- Prepare your children for the kinds of remarks that they are likely to hear. When remarks are insensitive, let the children know that some people require more understanding when it comes to accepting different kinds of families than others.

- Don’t portray your child’s father as a complete loser even if he’s fathered more children than you can keep track of. Emphasize that no matter how many other children your ex has, your children are still special and loved.

- Try not to get bent out of shape if your ex wants your children to meet the rest of his kids. Like it or not, they are your children’s siblings. And as your children get older they should have the choice to develop their own relationships with them.

To find out more about Cassandra Mack’s books or workshops visit her on the web at: www.strategiesforempoweredliving.com.